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On Your Birthday

There’s no present for you today

On your birthday

I still remember,

I spent my time to make a cute pillow with your name last year

I tried to find a cute T-shirt from a city that you have never came before

and I create a black cross with your name

They are presents on your birthday one year ago

But, now, simply I can say

I do not have a present for you today

I find myself being upset not to give you something special today

even, I haven’t give you birthday greeting.

I just too much upset not to be part of your special day. But, you said, I have to let you go, forget you and move on by my self.

Then, today on your birthday

The best present that I can give to you is letting you go.

I will let you go with all of good memories that we had once.

I will let you choose your own choice and I will never ask you why did you choose her than me.

I will stop asking why do you never love me. I will stop asking why did you leave me. I will stop asking why do you never care about me anymore. I will stop complaining why do you never want to stay with me any longer. And I…. I will stop asking why I never can be an important person in your life.

I will stop asking why from now… on your birthday…

If it will be the last and the best gift that you want from me, I will let you go, baby…

No matter how hard and how hurt I am. No matter how sad and how it makes me down. I will do it for you, if you want me to go.

No matter how I want to be with you and to stay close to you. No matter how badly I want to kiss you every Sunday, to hold your hand everytime we pray at the church, to hug you whenever I feel worry, to pinch your skin whenever I want to get your attention, I will let those memories being buried deep down  somewhere in my mind, if you want me to do that.

No matter how I love you and wanna be with you badly, I know it will not be the same if you no more want me.

No matter how I want to accept everything about you, good or bad, It would be meaningless if you do not want it.

Then, If it would be a great present for you, I will let  you go.

I do not have a cute present, a beautiful pray and greeting today. But, you know, I hope a lot you’ll proof me to be the best of you.

And you always know, I love you with my own way. I love you with my antimainstream way.

 

Happy Birthday 27! Live your life as good as you could.

-beras kencur-

June, 15, 2016.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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